The Most Terrifying Thing
by RenaRoo
Summary: Tim has a secret he has been keeping, one that he feels even he only barely understands. He's worried what others are able to accept, of how it may change things. He just doesn't want anyone to know.


goodluckdetective prompted: Hey, I have a fluff war prompt of sorts. Not shipping exactly- I'd like to see one of the batboys come out for being bi/ace/pan or anything in that category. Preferably Tim, or Jason. (I headcanon Damian as ace when he grows up but that's besides the point) Cass included of course. oh! The fluff part is that it goes well. Like all their fears turn out to be fine. Might be nice to see some acceptance and family stuff in the batfam.

I actually headcanon pretty much the entire population of Batkids as queer, so I had to reign that in a bit. I went with Tim and coming out as asexual because I've always related a lot to Tim's character – mostly the older characterizations – and they say write what you know sooo….

Batman and related properties © DC Comics  
story © RenaRoo

 **The Most Terrifying Thing**

Tim stares at his sister from across the entertainment room for a good five minutes, shifting his feet a few time and running his thumb over the woodwork of the door frame a few times for good measure. It's almost enough to make him _not_ think about his exact phrasing for the conversation about to take place.

Because. Because Cass will be easiest. And he's already talked to Ives and Zoanne and they've mostly just accepted with a shrug. But they're not his family. Not in the way that his brothers and Cass and Bruce are.

Cass, for her part, seems particularly perplexed by the unresponsiveness of the Kinect.

"Tim!" she finally calls out, slamming her foot down on the ground as another digital soccer ball gets past her goalie. She turns and leers at him, because _of course_

Cass would have known that Tim was there the entire time. He shouldn't be surprised in the least. "I _hate_ this. Hook up the other one. With the remote."

He shuffles a little more inside and maneuvers past the various doggie toys scattered about the room. If he's maintaining a tight frown at this point it's only out of default and not effort.

"Last time I changed out the Wii for the XBox I had to deal with Damian and Colin complaining for half an hour," he reminds her as he does as asked.

Cass flops onto the couch and studies him with those scrupulous eyes of hers. She's onto him. It shouldn't make him as nervous as it does.

"I can do these things in my sleep," Tim continues, working with the wiring, "but I have to remind you that none of these motion oriented games are going to work to the finesse you want them to, Cass. Unless you're doing the dancing games you tend to quit ten minutes into it…"

He doesn't want to relive the _Star Wars Kinect_ incident again so much that he almost takes his mind off his real task.

Almost.

"What is it?" Cass asks flatly.

He lowers his head and sighs, wondering once again why he thought Cass would be the simplest of his siblings to confront with the confusingly complex truth that is his life.

The Wii turns on and he puts on a soft smile as he turns to her. "You want a partner for the dancing games? I've got some free time…"

Cassandra's eyes narrow suspiciously. She shifts into a sitting position and leans forward from the couch in what might deserve to be in the "intimidating Cass moments" picture album he has on his computer.

"You're nervous," she says. "Why? What's wrong? Do I need to beat someone up?"

Tim huffs and shakes his head. "Why does everyone act like I can't beat up my own people? _No._ I'm fine. It's just…"

"You wanted to talk about something?" she asks, curiously cocking her head to the side.

He gives her a look. "Stop that." When it's clear she's not about to apologize he groans and flops back onto the floor, staring at the ceiling. "Okay. It's just that I'm really confused about what to do about something I learned about myself. Or well. I knew it about myself. But I've never really investigated it before. I don't think it's very pressing as far as issues in our lives go. It's more like I had a curiosity to feed and once I did things made sense. Except now I feel like I don't know myself at all anymore."

Cassandra shifts dow to the floor and sprawls out beside Tim, also staring at the ceiling. "Ah-huh," she says, making it a point to not look at him.

Tim eases up, feeling like she's trusting his words and not reading his body anymore. It makes a difference.

"I love people, Cass," Tim says. "I mean, I hate people, too. I carry a lot of emotions. But I've felt love before, y'know? I know I have. Because I also know what it feels like to have your heart broken. I've had that happen before. Just like I've had a _lot_ of relationship things happen to me before and it all makes sense because… because I'm just human. This is what we go through."

His sister hums beside him, listening carefully.

"But… I don't know. I don't want to _do_ things with people I love," he says, a little quieter, a little more frustrated. "I just… holding hands is sweet. And kissing feels right with the right person. But… _every_ time I reach that point with the people I'm in love with… I… I stop, Cass. I've never felt beyond that. And I love that stuff a _lot._ But… I swear. I almost break out into hives sometimes. I can't do it."

Cass is quiet, reflective for a moment. She then turns her head to look at him directly. "Sex?"

Tim can't help but groan before turning to his side and curling up some. He can feel his entire face heat up. "Yes," he answers, muffled by his knees. "Yes sex. I don't do sex. And… and I always thought it'd come with the right person. And maybe it will? But… but I don't think it's that. I think I just don't do _sex._ And I'm a teenage boy. And it's awkward. And weird and…"

She lets out a soft laugh before sitting up over him. She leans in and sweetly kisses his cheek.

"You're silly, Tim," she says. "You're fine. Don't do sex. It's cool. No one cares."

 _"Some_ people might," he mutters. "Might think I have a hormonal imbalance or that I'm hiding that I'm gay or that - just _anything_ but not interested in sex." He looks at her. "I don't know. Do you 'come out' as asexual? Is that a thing? Do I need to make a Facebook announcement? Do I just not tell anyone - I don't think I want to tell anyone…"

With another gentle laugh, Cassandra yanks Tim up to a sitting position and pulls him into a tight hug. "You are perfect, Little Brother," she says sincerely. "Don't worry. It'll be fine."

Tim goes limp in her arms and releases a frustrated sigh of his own. He wishes he felt it was as simple as Cass seems to think it is.

* * *

Judging by how Dick goes into a full body flinch, Cass supposes he isn't expecting the punch to his shoulder. He whirls around and looks at her utterly betrayed.

"You should hang out with Tim tonight," she says matter-of-factly.

He blinks. "Was that what the punch was for?" he says as he rotates his arm. "Yeesh, Cass!"

She gives him a dire look. "He's our brother," she reminds him pointedly. "He should feel comfortable not having sex around us."

Dick literally falls off his seat. Cassandra stares at him with the fiercest amount of determination she can muster.

Covering his face with his hands, Dick mutters something to himself about rebooting his brain before roughly shaking his head and looking up to her. "Okay, run that by me again. Because we completely neglected to make sure our conversations met up at the same point. First off: why, hello there, little sister, how are you doing today?"

She points at him with a deep huff of air. "No. You need to promise to hang out with Tim tonight. Be a good big brother. Like you always are. And then tell him it's okay."

Pushing himself up from the floor, Dick rubs the back of his neck. "Okay? Okay to what?"

"To not have sex," Cass says with a sniff. "He thinks it's not okay. To us. That he doesn't."

Dick frowns before looking at her. "Have you ever noticed that Tim's perception of the world tends to be completely backwards?"

Cass glares. "You _know_ what I mean," she says pointedly.

The older sibling nods slowly with a sigh. "Yeah, I do. And don't worry about this, Cass. I'm pretty good at handling sensitive Bats and Birdies at this point."

She smiles brightly. "Good!"

* * *

Red Robin's post is silent for the night, which is surprisingly good for clearing his head. He can focus on how insignificant and small he is compared to the city below. It's a confident feeling - that something as inane as his own concerns and worries can be drowned out by his responsibilities and focus on the _now._

As much as his sister's soothing attempts were a comfort, they did little to rest his nerves.

Distraction works much better.

Or so he thinks until someone behind him _almost_ gets the drop on him. Red Robin's staff is soon the only thing between him and -

 _"Nightwing?"_ he utters, blinking in surprise at the old but familiar black and blue.

His brother smiles easily, holding his hands up almost mockingly in surrender. He quirks a brow at Red Robin from behind his sharp domino.

"What? Not expecting a blast from the past?"

"Not really," Red Robin admits, lowering his staff, fully aware of how goofy his grin of relief must be. "Gotta say, I'm not used to Nightwing being so bulky."

"Too bulky for Nightwing, too lean for Batman, I dunno what I'll decide to do when I've grown up into my Adult Superhero pants, Little Brother," Nightwing bemoans before navigating around his brother's lowered staff and nudging him with an elbow. "Guess we'll just have to live day by day on that one. What do you think?"

Red Robin smirks beneath his cowl. "Yeah. I can dig that. The old _red and blue,_ huh?"

Nightwing grins widely, reaching for his line launcher as Red Robin does his own. But he slows, thoughtful for a moment, before looking worriedly to his brother.

"Hey, Timmy," he says, low, looking seriously to his brother. "I'm going to be making more of an effort to hang out now. And I mean that. Because I miss it being you and me against the world. But we're both busy and stuff gets ahead of us."

Behind the eyelets of his cowl, Red Robin rolls his eyes. "I know that, I'm not a child."

"I know, just hear me out," Nightwing continues before, without much warning, wrapping his brother in a hug. Red Robin goes stiff. "It's not an excuse for not saying this to you enough lately - or ever, really - but god I just love you, Little Brother, and that's the case _no matter what._ You got that?"

After the surprise wears off, Tim feels himself melt a bit in Dick's arms. He doesn't hug back, but he buries his face against Dick's chest, breathing in his brother's support like that's even a possibility.

They don't need other words on the subject for the night.

* * *

Dick's instincts were to just leave Damian out of the loop entirely - he's still working on the whole _emotional sensitivity_ aspect of his Robin training, and really Tim's sexuality isn't the best place to start experimenting.

Especially when Dick feels _woefully_ ill equipped for touching on the subject of a sexuality he's not entirely informed on himself yet.

Still. Better safe than sorry, and it's better Dick than Cass because he's not exactly sure how well Damian will take their sister's love taps.

So he goes for vague.

"Tim's going through some things that you're probably not going to go through for a few years, Little D," Dick says, face as drawn and serious as he can make it. He studies Damian's reaction for a moment before continuing. "It would just be a very big sign of maturity for all of us if we just supported him and cut him some slack until he's got everything sorted out."

Damian leers at his brother but then returns to the XBox without any sharp insults. Dick only hopes it's enough.

* * *

Damian's presence in his room is… unnerving. Tim isn't exactly sure when it shifted from annoyance to _disturbing_ levels of concern, but by the time he finishes his report and spins the computer chair around to see that his youngest sibling is _still_ sitting on his bed… well, Tim's ready for some answers.

"Okay, what do you want?" he asks, looking around suspiciously for signs of tampering.

"You are not the least tolerable person I have met."

Tim takes a moment to confirm there are no traps or gadgets added to his room that were not there before and then he looks squarely at Damian's _very_ serious face. He blinks.

 _"Excuse me?"_

"Don't make me say it too many more times, Drake," Damian hisses. "You'll wear out any meaning to the phrase." He then shifts, looking down to the comforter before smoothing out the wrinkle he incidentally added. "But if I was to be forced to admit it, I would have to agree that you're not the _least_ tolerable person I have in my life."

Tim looks at him and wonders idly if it's possible for Damian to be an android. It's not _completely_ out of the question.

"I… can tolerate you pretty well, too?" he attempts, feeling like his mouth is numb even as they try the words.

Damian glares at him like he's the dumbest person he has ever met. _"Tt_ What are you trying to say, Drake? I don't need coddling. This is only for you."

Now Tim's fairly certain it's, at least, his actual brother. "Coddling? Why would _I_ need coddling?"

Damian groans. "Idiot, because we don't want you to be scared of us not supporting you."

Tim just stares. He then puts his head in his hands. "Oh, god. I only told Cass. I thought, of anyone, she could keep a secret. I didn't think I needed to tell her to keep it between us. _Shit shit shit._ Why can't I just keep my dumb mouth shut?"

There's an aggravated noise from Damian before Tim feels his brother attach himself to Tim's side. It makes Tim lock up and look, with some degree of fear, to his younger brother.

"Are you comforted?" Damian asks.

"If that makes this pile of awkward stop, sure," Tim mumbles.

"Good enough," Damian sighs before turning to leave. "And just so you know, you're a _complete fool_ if you think anyone cares about how you conduct yourself with relationships in this family. You're far from the strangest one in that department."

Tim sighs and rubs his head. "I'll keep that in mind. Thank you, Damian."

* * *

Robin waits until Batgirl seems ready to call patrol off for the night. She turns and smiles brightly at him.

"Not bad tonight, Demon," she jokes, clapping her hands together. "But some of us have school and mothers and possible lunch dates so…"

"Obviously you're behind on the news," he interrupts with a cross of his arms. "Else you would have been bringing this subject up yourself. I blame Cain. She apparently is the source of this information leak after all. And here I thought you were my sister's best friend."

Batgirl scowls. "I _am_ her best friend. She's just been busy this week. _Who else do you think my lunch date is-"_

Robin shakes his head and holds up his hand. "Hush, Brown. I'm giving you intel that is relevant to your interests. You seem - for some reason - to care about Drake's mental welfare from time to time. And he could use your support. If you're not going to be a twit about it."

Her face completely drops, blindsided. "There's something wrong with Tim? What's wrong? What happened?"

 _"Tt,_ patience, I'm only telling you what I know," Robin snaps. "And it's only because you've proven capable of handling emotional wellbeing from time to time. And… and…"

He loses his words. He's not certain, all of the sudden, where his train of thought was going.

Batgirl gives a sad smile. "And you're worried about him."

"Not remotely true," Robin discounts with a wave of his hand. "However, I would… _appreciate_ if you spoke with him. Because he's confused - according to my sources - about sexuality. And that seems like an issue best not breeched by me."

If possible, Batgirl's eyes widen even more. She sputters before managing, "I… I bet. Yeah. No. Robin, let me handle that. But. Um. Thank you."

* * *

Tim is already showered and doing his nighttime rituals before bed when he notices the costumed vigilante sitting on his bed. He blinks a few times before steadily walking over, looking for injuries or signs of external influence.

Never hurts to be cautious.

Stephanie just looks at him sadly. "It's just me, boyfriend," she says. It's a joke but it's flat, a bit tight.

Tim shifts, tries for a smile. "You've not called me that one in a while," he returns. "You okay, Steph? Do I need to get the first aid kit."

She pulls hers knees up to her chest and hugs them. It's more adorable than it should be when she's in her work suit. She makes it work, though, and Tim is glad that it's just so undeniably _Steph_ underneath it all.

He just wishes he didn't have a good guess for what is going on. He rubs at his eyes tiredly.

"Who told you?" he asks tightly, a little disappointed.

"I figured this was a problem," Steph sighs. She pats the bed - his bed - and beckons him over. He obeys. "I'm sorry that you didn't get to tell me, Tim."

"I was going to," he promises, hoping he sounds less upset than he feels. "I just… I didn't expect it to start spreading like this. Maybe I should've held a meeting? But… let's be real, I would _never_ have been able to say anything like that in front of more than a couple of people at once. It's such an awkward thing to say to begin with. And then I always have to explain myself-"

Steph puts a finger on his lips to stop him mid-blabber. She frowns. "Okay, first off, Tim, you don't owe _anyone_ an explanation. Especially if you don't want to give one."

Tim feels his face crumple. "I just don't understand it myself, Steph. I _want_ people to understand. _I_ want to understand! But the only thing I know about this is that… that I just don't think I'm normal. I don't want to have sex, I don't even think about it unless it's about _not_ thinking about it, and… and…"

She wastes no time in jerking him forward and into a firm hug - crushing him against the armor plating of her suit. Tim really doesn't mind it, though. He can even close his eyes and relax to the way she cards her fingers through his hair in the way she knows comforts him best.

"You're _normal,_ Tim," she says soothingly. "As normal as anyone who gets in tights and capes at night can be, I mean." He laughs against her shoulder. "You're my dork and I will clear mountains for you. And I gotta admit, I don't completely get the ins and outs of this thing either, but that doesn't mean I don't understand that it's just part of you. And who _doesn't_ love you?"

"I can think of a few people," Tim breathes.

 _"Tim,"_ she warns before pulling apart to look him in the eyes. "It's not cool that people are finding out without you telling. I'll put a stop to that."

Tim takes a breath and closes his eyes. "It kinda sucks," he admits. "I mean… I just… I don't care, I guess. I was going to tell everyone in our 'little circle' anyway. But… I was hoping it was going to be me."

"I'm pretty sure everyone's just doing it out of concern," Steph acknowledges, gripping tightly to Tim's hands. "Just making sure that everyone comforts you the way they think you need it. But it's all a little silly, and really they should let you handle it yourself." She looks at him seriously. "Because - as I'm _sure_ you know - everyone loves you and is supporting you no matter what, right?"

He nods, feeling his throat a little dry. He bites on his lip before squeezing her hands back. "And… Steph… just to be sure _you_ know… being asexual. It… it doesn't mean I loved you any less." His grip tightens nervously. _"Love_ you any less."

Steph laughs and leans forward, planting a chaste kiss on Tim's lips before pulling away. "Of course I do. I remember what _love birds_ we were. Nothing changes that."

Tim feels a weight lift off of him. "I'm glad you know."

"Me, too," she says.

* * *

It might seem bold to some, but Stephanie Brown's Batgirl is nothing if not a _bold defender_ of justice.

And sometimes justice includes protecting her ex-boyfriend in vague ways that don't ruin _the talk_ or anything else that may transpire in the near future.

Still. Someone has to remind Batman to not be a dick, and she is more than willing to be _that_ person.

She kicks the football squarely at her former trainer's head and watches as he is taken by surprise, even if it only makes his armored cowl flinch slightly.

Batman turns and stares at her expectantly, the goons hanging from the tree completely secured.

"Someone very special to us is going to ask for your time soon," she announces. "I'm just warning you that if you're anything but willing to hear him out, I will be more than willing to _lay the Batman out,_ okay?"

He looks uncharacteristically taken aback.

"What has gotten into the four of you?" he demands. "I've already had B2, BB, and R tell me the same thing."

Batgirl blinks in return. "Um. Well, I guess you'll just have to find out?"

She takes off to the hackles of Oracle over the comm, but she feels at least somewhat confident that she's done some good in the meantime.

* * *

It's over a week since his last awkward conversation on the subject, but Tim is nothing if not a procrastinator for things he _truly_ does not want to do. And discussing this with Bruce is chief among them.

It really is owed to a particularly stormy day with most of the family acting like recluses themselves for Tim to edge his way into the study.

Bruce is reading from the light of an ancient lamp. Tim thinks he can hear the circuits frying horsehair in the bulb if he tries hard enough.

So he does try, at least until he realizes Bruce is staring at him with brows raised expectantly.

Unfortunately the shock of the situation causes Tim's throat to dry and seize up. He looks, wide-eyed, to his father.

For once, Bruce breaks the spell. "Can I help you, Tim?" he says, sincere enough.

It makes Tim shudder. He pulls at his ear and looks to his sneakers. Wonders why he's still wearing them in the house. Why he makes _everything_ as awkward as possible.

"Tim?" Bruce tries again.

"I was thinking we could play checkers," Tim spits out, a little too quick. The last words stumble out on top of each other. He rubs at his face and groans. "I mean… if that's okay. It's raining. And. Nothing's going on. Yet. Not that I couldn't be doing things. If you need me to. I'd rather do that. Do you have something for me to do?"

Bruce places a bookmark on his page and folds the book gently. He gets up, book slid on the table. "Checkers sounds fun, Tim. Though I thought you were more of a chess man."

Tim breathes, looks to his hands. "I'm full of surprises."

"I can believe that," Bruce says, going through the chest by the window and pulling out an old box of checkers. "This is heavier than I remember. It's been a while. Probably since Dick was a kid." He gets up and walks toward the table they usually play chess on.

"He _would_ be a checkers guy," Tim mutters as he hesitantly makes his way to his usual spot across from Bruce.

Bruce sets the board, Tim watches, already racing to think of a strategy and calm his nerves. It doesn't really work, but if Bruce notices the way his leg is just about dancing beneath the table (of course he does, he's _Batman_ ), he doesn't say as much.

"Checkers the only thing on your mind?" Bruce asks as he makes the first move.

"I'm wondering how many times I'm going to get to say 'king me,'" Tim says out loud, immediately wondering why he would say such a thing out loud. He looks to Bruce apologetically but just sees the small smirk in the corner of Bruce's mouth.

"Probably a lot, if we're judging by your chess game," Bruce compliments, watching Tim's piece jump. "See?"

Tim twirls the stolen piece between his fingers, absent mindedly. "Bruce… we're… we're still partners, right? Like… we have each other's back. For anything. No matter what."

He holds his breath as Bruce jumps two of Tim's pieces with ease. He smiles softly as he collects them. "Of course. And we're more than partners, Tim. We're family." He looks at Tim seriously. "You're my son."

Tim wastes no time in moving his favored piece to a fated square. He looks at Bruce and, rather than saying 'king me,' all he can get out is, _"Promise."_

"Always," Bruce says without hesitation.


End file.
